***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize