And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
