I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
