I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
