So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
