You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
