What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
