can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize