i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
