I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm at about main and main street
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
