Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
do herpes really smell.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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