Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
