I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
