just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
