we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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