You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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