you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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