You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
