I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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