too bad you live with your parents still
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
