id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
