she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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