I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
