I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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