So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
