I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
