I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
