we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
