Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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