there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
