Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
