i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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