oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
