Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
