You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
