I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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