Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
