I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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