Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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