mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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