Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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