thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
