I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
