i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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