Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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