A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
