Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
