Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
