You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
