Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
