Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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