My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
