youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
