maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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