Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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