Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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