Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
