Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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