Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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