My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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