i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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