I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
