Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
