he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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