so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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