Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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