My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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