Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
