if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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