You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
