I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
