Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
