Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
