my vag is so smooth its legendary
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
