it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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