just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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