Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
