so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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