Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
