I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
