im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
