woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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