A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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